Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Parody & Spoof Rescue Team
by Emily E
Summary: Parody of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, Red & Blue Rescue Team. A young human who is transformed into one of the worst Pokémon ever to exist is forced to join a rescue team against her will in a universe full of talking Pokémon. There, she tries to find the meaning of her transformation, and also the reason why Taco Bell felt the need to have a breakfast menu.
1. Introduction

Out of nowhere, Professor Oak stood in an endless void appearing to be nothing but a bunch of pixels on a Nintendo screen.

"Hello there and welcome to the world of Pokémon!" he gleefully greeted.

"Wait! Hold up!" shouted a random voice. "This is the wrong game!"

Oh, right. My bad. Ahem. The sun was rising over an African savanna like no other.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS INGONYAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BAGITHI BABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

"That ain't the correct story either, pal!"

Will you just shut up! What am I even parodying anyway?

"You're parodying Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Red & Blue Rescue Team, genius. Get it right."

Well, how exactly do I start this out? Oh, right. It was a void like no other. A spirit was floating freely wondering what the heck had just happened. One minute it was playing Tetris on its iPhone and the next minute it found itself in the middle of a wavy technicolor nihility that looks like the Nintendo DS had just consumed a massive amount of LSD. The spirit slowly opened its eyes, only to be greeted by a mysterious voice in the sky.

"Greetings," said the voice.

"What the-who the heck are you?"

"You just won the lottery! What do you spend it on?"

"Wait. What?"

"A friend brought you a gift. How do you thank him?"

"I don't know!"

The voice continued to ask a series of ridiculous questions.

"Who invented toothpaste?"

"What is the capital of Mongolia?"

"What color is my underwear?"

"If your mom and dad were both drowning and you could only save one, which one would you save?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"One last question. Are you a man, woman, both, or neither?"

"I'm a woman! Duh!"

"That's all I need! Thank you for completing my survey!"

"Whoop-dee-freaking-do."

"The test results are in! You are a pathetic loser with no friends who spends much of her time on Second Life rather than going out and getting a real life. You probably live in your mom's basement and drink milk straight out of the carton. The only living things you claim to be friends with is your cats, who probably hate you because you like to dress them up as Harry Potter characters and make YouTube videos of your cats role-playing the movies. A pathetic loser like you should be...the Pokémon Skitty!"

"OH COME ON! You couldn't at least make me a decent Pokémon?"

"Sorry. But you're a pathetic loser so you don't deserve to play as a good Pokémon."

"I hate you."

"I love you, too! Off to the Pokémon world you go!"

And the spirit was then sent into the universe of talking Pokémon. How stupid is this story going to get?


	2. I Am Eventually Going To Regret This

Slowly, text started to fade in on a black screen that was like no other.

"Where am I?"

"Did I take too much acid last night?"

"I feel someone breathing on me."

"It's probably that creepy stalker guy from last week again."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hey, I'm tired of speaking in only ellipsis! Please wake up!"

Suddenly, Skitty opened her eyes and found herself in the middle of a forest. After, immediately noticing Pikachu in front of her, she took out some mace and sprayed him in the eyes. Pikachu began to scream in burning pain.

"Why'd you do that?!"

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

Pikachu was rubbing his eyes, which were still stinging from the pepper spray. "I'm fine. My name's Pikachu, by the way. What's yours?"

"I don't know you and I don't know why I can understand you. I'm just a human."

"A human?" Pikachu said confused. "But you don't look like a human to me. After all, humans are pitiful disgusting creatures who lock up animals, abuse them, and proceed to spit on their corpses when they are finished off murdering them for their unappetizing flesh."

"Who the heck told you that?"

"PETA."

"Yeah, well I can't remember my name, just so you know."

"How about I call you Skitty?"

"Why?"

"Because you're a Skitty."

"Whoop-dee-freaking-do."

"HELP! MY BABY!" shouted a woman's voice from inside the forest.

"Who was that?" Skitty asked.

A Butterfree began fluttering up to the two soon-to-be-teammates.

"We don't want any merchandise, lady!"

"I'm not trying to sell anything! My baby! It's missing!"

"What?! What happened?!" Pikachu exclaimed.

"I was knocked out from some party last night and when I woke up from my coma, I realized that my baby, who was right next to me when I fell asleep, was missing."

"Don't worry," said Skitty. "We'll save your baby for you."

"Oh, thank you!"

"Yeah, shut up."

* * *

Whiny Woods F-1

"Hooray, we're finally here," droned Skitty as she and Pikachu reached the end of Whiny Woods. "Now where is the little brat?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried Caterpie like a little baby. "Mommy?" he sniffled. "Where are you?"

"Hey, you runt!" shouted Skitty.

"Huh?" wept Caterpie in confusion.

"Your mom is waiting for you! Let's get out of this crappy dungeon before some boss comes storming in."

"Okay!" said Caterpie.

The two escaped Whiny Woods and eventually were back at the field.

"Yay! My baby is safe!" triumphed Butterfree.

"You irresponsible witch!" said Caterpie in a sophisticated British accent. "How dare you deliberately leave me unattended, you vile wretched woman!"

"Thank you for saving my baby," said Butterfree to Pikachu and Skitty. "You deserve a reward!"

"A reward?!" Skitty's eyes lightened up. "What is it? A trip to Hawaii? A dirt bike? Ten million dollars?"

"No!" said Butterfree. "This!" she handed them some boring Pecha berries and Oran berries.

"Oh joy," groaned Skitty sarcastically.

"Thank you and see you pretty soon! Let's go, Caterpie."

"You better have those dinosaur-shaped fish sticks for me by tonight, woman!" snapped Caterpie as they were leaving. When they were finally gone, Pikachu turned to Skitty.

"Yay! That was fun!" Pikachu look straight into Skitty's eyes. "So I was thinking, since I want to annoy you for the rest of eternity by invading your personal space, how would you like to join a rescue team?"

"Can I say no?"

"Sorry, the game won't allow you."

"Darn it! Fine, I'll join your stupid rescue team! Even though I know I will regret it."

"Yeah!" cheered Pikachu. "So what should we name it?"

"Team Awesome. Because I'm awesome."

"It's settled then. For now on we will become Team Awesome. Since you'll obviously need a place to stay, I'll let you live in the rescue base that I built to fulfill the fact that I have no friends!"

Pikachu led Skitty to where the rescue base was. Of course, something wasn't right. The rescue base was water-themed. It had a river surrounding it, with a bridge extended over the river, and waterfalls surrounded the base. The rescue base was fit for a Squirtle than a Skitty.

"Wow...that is...um..." Skitty gulped. "Pretty great."

"You like it? I wasn't sure whether it was the right base for us or not."

"It's great."

"Wonderful! Now go check it out!"

"Great," groaned Skitty as she walked onto the bridge. Suddenly, the whole bridge collapsed, causing the pink cat Pokémon to fall into ice-cold water.

"I can fix that," said Pikachu. "I just need some more Krazy Glue and scotch tape."


	3. Pelipper the Ripper

That following night, Skitty was sleeping soundly. Of course until she began squirming in her sleep very roughly.

"Daddy, my piano is swimming in my coffee again..."

She started snorting and groaning very loudly, disturbing a sleeping Pidgy nearby.

"Hey you! Quiet!" yelled the Pidgy. Skitty started squirming violently some more, eventually throwing herself into the river surrounding her bed.

"AHHHHHHH! COLD!"

"Freak," muttered the Pidgy as he fell back asleep.

The next morning Skitty woke up, rather irritable because she realized that it wasn't a dream and she will forever remain one of the most worthless Pokémon. As she exited the base, she was greeted by a Pelipper who had creepy eyes that stared into your soul.

"Hello, there! I heard you started a rescue team! By the way, I was totally not stalking you."

"Uhhhh...okay."

"I got you a basket," Pelipper held out a large basket filled with brownies with balloons attached to it. The balloons had letters drawn in Sharpie that said "Congratulations on joining a rescue team", spelling "Congratulations" wrong. "Also feel free to try out the definitely-not-cyanide-laced brownies." Pelipper dropped the basket onto the ground with no care and flew away. Skitty grabbed the basket and threw it into the water. Afterwards, fish Pokémon rose up to the surface, appearing to have just died. By that time, Pikachu walked up to her like the annoying rodent he is.

"Good morning, Skitty! Did you manage to wake up without some crazy psychopath at your doorstep?"

"Not necessarily," replied Skitty.

"Well, now that it's our first day being in a rescue team, let's go do some rescue missions." He gleefully pranced over to the mailbox and opened it up. A large torrent of mail emitted from it, burying Pikachu. Pikachu picked out a random letter and handed it to Skitty. "Here. I'm too lazy to read this. You do it."

Skitty grabbed the letter, opened it, and began reading the terrible handwriting and spelling. "'Dear random person who is probably going to ignore this. BZZZT. Me and my brother got stuck together for some reason and we can't separate. BZZZT. I really hate him. Please come rescue us. We are found at the bottom of Microwave Cave. Good luck! BZZZT.' Well, this is just great. I already had plans to watch some reruns of Doctor Who on Netflix today. You know what this means?"

"We go rescue who is in trouble?"

"Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of blowing off the whole mission and play Paper Mario, but your idea works too."

The two headed over to Microwave Cave where they were greeted by a duo of Magnemites.

"Oh, good! BZZZT. You're finally here with the Chinese food!"

"You idiot! BZZZT." snapped the other Magnemite. "We aren't waiting for Chinese food! We're waiting for our brothers to be saved!"

"Oh. Well, why can't we save them ourselves? BZZZT."

"Because we are nothing but a bunch of lazy slackers like that nutjob Butterfree."

"Oh, right. BZZZT. Anyways, they're on the fifth floor. Try not to get mugged on the way."

* * *

Microwave Cave F5

At the bottom of Microwave Cave stood two Magnemites who were attached together arguing with each other.

"I hate you. BZZZT," said one Magnemite.

"I hate you more than slow internet. BZZZT."

"You're just jealous because Mother appreciates me more. BZZZT."

"Found you!" shouted Skitty.

"Oh, good! BZZZT. It's about time. I was getting sick of this guy."

"I suppose we better take you back to the entrance."

"Wonderful. BZZZT. Now hurry up before we get mugged."

Back at the entrance, the Magnemites were rejoicing them being saved. However, Skitty was too busy watching reruns of Doctor Who on Netflix to care.

"Our bodies are separated! Rejoice!" cheered one of the Magnemites.

"Thank you!" said the leader of the Magnemites.

"No problem," said Pikachu. "Though I have a question. If you have no arms or legs, how were you able to write that letter?"

"Erm..." Magnemite hesitated. "You probably don't wanna know. BZZZT. But anyways, here are your prizes."

"Oh, Mt. Pyre no!" yelled Skitty. "I bet it will be something stupid like a Pecha scarf!"

"Actually, I was going to reward you with this trip to Hawaii, this dirt bike, and these ten million dollars, but since you say you don't want it, I guess I can have it. Thanks a lot!"

"Son of a female Herdier," Skitty murmured. "Oh, wait a second. That joke was already used in another Pokémon fanfic. Way to be original, author."

Well, at least I'm trying.


	4. The Rise of Demonic Pelipper

The next morning Skitty woke up still disappointed that she is still a part of this crazy universe. But on the bright side, she finally remembered her name. It was Emma (because I can't think of anything clever). Emma was destined to bolt out the door so she didn't have to encountered that awful Pikachu again. However, it was not any use. Pikachu had set a wire trap at the entrance of The Pokémon Square. As soon as she stepped on it, Emma was hit in the face by a giant spiked pendulum (she wasn't injured or bleeding, as that would be too violet for a Pokémon game). Pikachu approached the Skitty who was laying on the ground.

"Did you like my wire trap, Skitty?"

"You idiot!" Emma snapped. "That could've given the game alone an M rating! By the way, I figured out my real name so you can quit referring to me as that awfully blatant Pokémon name."

"Really? What is it?"

"Emma," she replied.

Pikachu cracked up laughing at Emma's name. With anger, Emma threw the pendulum in Pikachu's face, flinging him through the air and into the frigid moat surrounding the rescue base, where Carvanha ate him. Too bad video game characters are resurrected after they die, which means Emma will have to spend the rest of her life with that wretched mouse.

That night Emma had another trippy dream, sorta like that time she was a spirit floating in an oblivion being interrogated like she committed crime by an unknown presence. This dream, however, was different. There was an earthquake. A very large one. Of course it was stupid because normally people would wake up during natural disasters. Seriously, did the main character inhale some anesthetic before she went to bed? YOU'RE IN AN EARTHQUAKE! WAKE UP! Finally, morning arrived and Emma was confused as to what happened.

"Man, what just happened last night?"

"An earthquake! That's what!" declared an unknown voice.

"Who said that?"

"Oh dear! You can't see us? How very rude of us!"

A Dugtrio popped up out of the ground, startling Emma.

"We are pleased to meet you. We're Dugtrio. Our son, Diglett, was kidnapped by a deranged psychopath with creepy eyes that stare into your soul. He's on top of Mount Kill. Good luck!"

Dugtrio retreated back into the ground.

"What?! I never said I wanted to go! Man, I hate this world."

* * *

Mount Kill F11

Pikachu and Emma were exhausted and panting as the finally reached the top of Mount Kill.

"All right. Where's the little brat? I want to get back as soon as possible so I can play some Portal."

"Hey!" shouted a voice. "I'm right here!"

Emma and Pikachu glance at Diglett who was on a ledge.

"There he is! Hey! Get down from there!"

"I can't! I'm too scared!"

"IT'S A MOUNTAIN! NOT FREAKING CREEPYPASTA!"

"Speaking of creepiness, you better leave! Or Pelipper will get you!"

"Oh, jeeze. Not him again."

Suddenly, Pelipper swooped down attacking Emma. He laughed maniacally.

"What are you doing here, Pelipper?"

"None of your business! Prepare to have your soul devoured!"

He lunged towards Emma, but with quick wit Emma splashed some holy water on Pelipper. The satanic bird screamed in pain as he dissolved as if he was doused in acid.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING! OH, WHAT A WORLD! WHAT A WORLD!"

"First a Lion King reference, now Wizard of Oz?" Emma remarked. "This fanfiction is going downhill."

The duo begins heading home, leaving behind Diglett.

"Wait! Aren't you going to save me? Guys?"

As soon as they got back, they were greeted by Dugtrio (of course).

"Did you save our son?"

"Uh, your son? Um...we left him behind."

"WHAT?! I can't believe you! You better go back up and rescue him this instant!"

"Yeah...about that...TAKE THIS!" Emma splashed more holy water onto Dugtrio. Dugtrio screamed in pain as he melted into fertilizer for the plants in the ground.

"So I guess that's proof that Pokémon really are creations of Satan," Pikachu finally stated.

* * *

**Just so you know, I love Pokémon, so please don't take the "Pokémon are satanic" line seriously. In fact, please don't take any of this story seriously.**


	5. ACT - Arrogant Condescending Team

"Come on, Skitty!" called out Pikachu. "We gotta get some friend areas to recruit more team members!"

"Oh, come on!" yelled Emma. "We're not even going to use half of the team members we'll recruit. Wait did you just call me Skitty?" Emma grabbed Pikachu by the throat. "For the last time, MY NAME IS EMMA! Stop referring to me by that!"

"Okay," whimpered Pikachu.

By the time they reached Wigglytuff's Friend Club, they were greeted by a Wigglytuff with a sappy smile and eyes that stared into your soul (don't worry though. He's not a serial killer).

"Hello there and welcome to Wigglytuff's Friend Club! Do you want to be my friend?"

"NO!" yelled Emma. Wigglytuff whimpered for a bit, then suddenly burst out sobbing.

"Skitty!" snapped Pikachu.

"GOSH DARN IT, STOP CALLING ME BY MY POKÉMON NAME! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE THIS POKÉMON!" fed up by Wigglytuff's crying, Emma finally snapped. "SHUT UP!" Wigglytuff stopped crying. "If I be your stupid friend, will you give us some friend areas?"

"HOORAY!" triumphed the pink creature. That'll be five thousand dollars for the beginners friend area!"

"What?! Five thousand dollars?! That's highway robbery!"

"Oh, please," scoffed Wigglytuff. "We don't even have highways. We've demolished every single one after we killed all the humans."

"What?!"

"Erm, forget what I said. Anyways, cough up the money or your team mates will be forced to sleep on the cold hard ground."

"I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice." Emma took out a portable television and tuned it to Disney, whereas a 24 hour marathon of Dog with a Blog was airing. Wigglytuff screamed in terror.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINNN! You win! Just take 'em! But please stop that torturous laughtrack that plays after every single line!" Wigglytuff began reciting Arceus knows what in a cheerful tone. "Wigglytuff, Wigglytuff! Let's be friends! YOM-TAH! Congratulations! You can now go to the minefield! You can also go to the toxic waste facility!"

"Wonderful," muttered Emma as she turned off the TV.

"Uh, Emma?" mentioned Pikachu. "Do you realized that you've just committed an armed robbery?"

"I don't care," she replied. "This world is already too psychopathic for me."

"BZZT!" buzzed Magnemite as he floated up to the team. "Your giving away friend areas? Count me in!"

"Okay!" Wigglytuff shouted joyfully. "Wigglytuff, Wigglytuff! Let's be friends! YOM-TAH! Congratulations! You can now go to the junkyard!"

"HOORAY!" cheered Magnemite.

"Gosh darn it!" interjected Emma. "I didn't want a stupid bowling ball joining my team!"

"Hey!" snapped Magnemite. "A bowling ball is different! I can prove it because I was once defeated in a Pokémon battle by a bowling ball!"

"We're doomed." groaned Emma.

Meanwhile there was a commotion in central Pokémon Square. A Jumpluff's friend needed help from a Shiftry and his team and Shiftry wouldn't allow it because he wanted to get paid.

"Please help my friend!" Jumpluff begged.

"NEVER!" declared Shiftry. "Unless I'm paid."

"But I don't have any money!"

"Yeah, well too bad! I need the extra money so I can buy that new Call of Duty game!"

"HEY YOU!" shouted a voice from the distance. The crowd gasped as Alakazam and his team rushed into the scene.

"OMG! ALAKAZAM!"

"YES! ALAKAZAM IS HERE! WHOO-HOO!"

"Instead of being sullen, why not help this Jumpluff out?" asked Alakazam.

"Help him? Why can you do it?" asked Shiftry. "You're like the greatest team in the world."

"You kidding?" scoffed Charizard, who was also part of Alakazam's team. "We just got manicures. We ain't goin' in that place just to mess up our nails."

"Now help him out! As we're too lazy to do so ourselves!" said Tyranitar, the third member. Shiftry look around. He suddenly broke out in tears.

"You guys are meanies! And I'm telling my mommy!" he sobbed as ran off, his other team members following him.

"Who the heck are those guys?" Emma asked a nearby Bellsprout.

"WHAT?!" Bellsprout exclaimed. "You never heard of Team ACT?! They're like the best team in the world!"

"Team ACT? _That's _their name?"

"Exactly! Alakazam, Charizard, and Tyranitar! These guys are so full of themselves, they named their team after them!"

"Wow, what a bunch of arrogant people."

Pikachu glared at Emma. "Says the girl who named our team 'Team Awesome'."

"But it's true that I am awesome! Exactly what makes these losers so great?"

"Well, for one thing they are a Gold Rank team," Bellsprout informed the two.

"Big deal. My team is Platinum Rank!"

"It is said that Gold Rank is the best rank ever!"

"Uh, did you not hear what I said? My team is Platinum Rank! Plat-inum! That's higher than Gold!"

"All of us have yet to see a rank more superior than Gold Rank!"

"FOR THE LAST EIGHT HUNDREDTH TIME! MY TEAM ACTUALLY REACHED HIGHER THAN GOLD! ARE YA'LL STUPID?!"

"You really need to use a breath mint."

Just then, Team ACT shoved the three out of the way roughly like the smug, conceited team they are.

"Hey!" yelled Emma. "Watch where ya going, ya freaks!"

Alakazam glared at the pink cat. "Don't you dare talk to me like that. After all, you two aren't good enough for us."

"Swag!" Charizard exclaimed. They continued forth.

"I hope those guys fall in love with their reflection and stare at it until they die," Emma muttered angrily.

"C'mon, Em! We better get to doing more rescue work!"

"DANG IT! WHY CAN'T I ESCAPE FROM YOU?!"

Meanwhile, a Gengar was busy watching the whole scene.

"Heh, heh, heh!" he laughed. "By the way, I'm the villain."

* * *

**Note: I don't mind people who like the sitcoms on Disney. But Disney doesn't need to play their sitcoms for 24 hours a day, nevertheless show only commercials that advertise their sitcoms (as if they only care about how much they make a profit and not other companies). And I probably would've be fine with the live-action stuff if only they hadn't moved all the shows I like to a channel I don't have :( (by the way, that was supposed to be an angry emoticon, but Fanfiction screws stuff like that up apparently).**


	6. Pelipper's Revenge

** watch?v=cH-yA8U2XgI**

**Just in case no one gets what this next chapter is supposed to be. I highly recommend not watching the video if you are easily offended by cussing. ****(Of course, if you're okay with that kind of stuff, then I suggest you check out this guy's other videos while you're at it, because they are AMAZING.)**

**If you read this chapter and answer correctly what it is before watching the video, I will reward you with a trip to Hawaii, a dirt bike, and ten million dollars (metaphorically. I am not that wealthy.)**

* * *

The next day arrived very quickly and Emma was yet again greeted by that yellow mouse.

"Hello again, Emma!"

"WHY CAN'T I ESCAPE YOU?"

Just then a voice interrupted the two members, they turned around only to see a group of three Pokémon standing in front of them.

"Hello, we are the villains!" Gengar gleefully replied. "Hey, what's this?"

They ran up the team's mailbox.

"W-what are you doing?!" Pikachu exclaimed.

"Sweet! Rescue missions!" hailed one of the team members, Ekans.

"Yeah, we're going to steal these missions because we're so evil! Ooo-la-la!" chanted Medicham, the third member.

"Hey, jerk-heads! You can't steal stuff! That's not right!" shouted Emma at the group.

"But what about the friend areas that you stole?" Pikachu recalled.

"Shut up!"

The three members glared at Team Awesome. "Do you even know who we are?" Ekans asked.

"We're Team Meanies! We are the most evil team in the world." Gengar boasted.

"We have our eyes on world domination," Medicham sang. "Because of course that's what every villain plans on doing."

"Yeah!" Ekans shouted. "Who cares about me!"

Emma cracked up laughing. "Team Meanies? What are you five? That is like the worst evil name in history." she continued guffawing.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Gengar. He turned away to his team members. "Now guys. Let's go steal candy from a three-year-old." They begin to leave.

"Oh, man. I really want to chase after them but I don't feel like it," Pikachu said.

"Well this sucks," Emma replied. "How exactly are we going to do rescue missions right now? Not that I don't want to do any rescue missions. I normally just do it for the money and points."

"I know!" Pikachu shouted. "Let's go see if there are any rescue missions at Pelipper's post office."

"Wait," Emma stopped Pikachu. "Didn't that Snubbell from Pokémon Square once warned us about Pelipper's post office? That those who enter may never return?"

"Nah, I don't see what the problem is. Now let's go!"

"BZZT!" buzzed Magnemite at he floated up to the duo. "On a mission? Count me in!"

"Why are you even here?!" yelled Emma.

As they reached the post office, the three team members were quite nervous. And not nervous as in nervous before a big show. I mean nervous as they were afraid something awful is bound to happen.

"Well," Emma began. "Here goes." The three entered through the door. To their horror they noticed blood smeared all over the walls as well as disembodied Pokémon heads, flayed Pokémon skin, and skeletons were nailed and hung up all across the room.

"OH MY ARCEUS!" Pikachu exclaimed. "Pelipper really needs to remove those cobwebs. They are tainting his style."

"How could this had happened? Magnemite wondered.

"Well, Pelipper does happen to be a serial killer who is supposedly possessed," Emma replied. "What else would you expect?"

"Holy crud!" Pikachu shockingly glared at a dead Butterfree hung up on the wall as a display. "Look what he did to Caterpie's mom! He turned her into a...decorative wall ornament!" Pikachu let out a gentle sob of grief. He faced Emma. "Emma. I want to get out of this scary place. Please, can we leave?"

"Alright sure. But can we get some Subway on the way home? I'm starving."

Suddenly, the door swung open. A chainsaw roared loudly. "Somebody is snooping around in my post office!"

Pikachu gulped. "We're screwed." They screamed as they tried to escape the wrath of Pelipper. As soon as Emma and Pikachu sprinted out the post office, they slammed the door behind him so that they would be safe from Pelipper. However, Magnemite was still in there. He screamed in horror as Pelipper grabbed him and tied him to a metal chair to the point where there was no escape, with Emma and Pikachu listening to his cries for help from the outside.

"Should we rescue him?" Pikachu asked.

"You kidding?!" Emma responded. "I can't die! The new episode of True Blood is airing tonight and I don't wanna miss it!"

Back inside the post office, Pelipper was about ready to kill Magnemite. Magnemite was shaking in terror.

"BZZT. P-p-please don't hurt me." he stammered.

Pelipper cackled diabolically. "Hurt you? Why would I do that? Oh, yeah. Because I'm a demonic serial killer!" he called out to the corpses that hung on the wall. "Take it away, fellas!" The corpses began playing upbeat music with their own skeletons. Pelipper started dancing around Magnemite, waving the chainsaw around. Soon, he began singing.

"I'm gonna sing a song for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" he started up the chainsaw, causing Magnemite to flinch in fear. "I'm gonna show you a thing or twoooooooooooooooooooo! So have a seat, my friend, and if it's all the same..." He lowered the chair so that Magnemite was laying face-up. "Just sit back and relax...WHILE I EAT YOUR BRAINS!"

The corpses began singing as well. "La, la, la, la, la, braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiins!"

"Brain, brain, brains!" Pelipper chanted.

"La, la, la, la, la, la, braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiins!"

Pelipper started up the chainsaw once more, then finally, began sawing through Magnemite's head, with Magnemite screaming in agony.

"La, la, la, la, la, la, braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiins!"

Pelipper immediatly stopped when he heard police sirens from out the post office. A Scizor who happened to be a police officer as well as a couple of Syther assisting him came storming in.

"All right! What's going on in here?!" The Scizor interrogated.

"Uhhhh..." Pelipper hesitated. "This...isn't what it looks like?" Pelipper chuckled sheepishly as the dead Magnemite's brain matter fell onto the floor.

Later, Pelipper was sent to be locked up in the maximum security prison for all those Pokémon he murdered, including Magnemite. The pelican Pokémon sighed as a Machamp and Aggron dragged him down the hallway to his cell and tossed him in roughly. Emma and Pikachu stared at Pelipper from the window.

"Why is this fanfiction so messed up?" Pikachu asked.

"I don't know," said Emma. "I would not be surprise if this chapter was a rip-off of an animated My Little Pony parody from YouTube."

"Right," Pikachu said. "You wanna get some Subway?"

"Yeah, sure," Emma replied.


	7. Sympathy for Slenderman

"Good morning, Emma!" Pikachu greeted the very next morning. Emma groaned."  
"Help!" cried a familiar voice. Emma and Pikachu turned around only to see Caterpie crawling next to them.

"Your mother is dead, Caterpie," Emma told him.

"What?" Caterpie replied.

"Emma is just kidding," said Pikachu. "Your mother went on a never-ending vacation."

"Tell her to bring me back a souvenir!"

"So what do you want?"

"Well…my friend Metapod and I were playing in Slenderman Woods, and then suddenly, Slenderman appeared and kidnapped Metapod! You gotta save him!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Emma interrupted Caterpie. "Why were you even playing in Slenderman Woods if you weren't even asking to be kidnapped by Slenderman? I mean, isn't that why they call it 'Slenderman Woods'?"

"Technically it was my friend who was kidnapped."

"Who even cares?"

"Will you help me?"

"Hmmm…let me think. No!"

Caterpie began throwing a temper tantrum. He started bawling very obnoxiously. Emma and Pikachu covered their ears.

"I now regret ever rescuing him from Whiny Woods," stated Emma.

"Looking for someone to save your loser friend?" Caterpie stopped crying and turned around, along with Emma and Pikachu. Team Meanies was standing in front of them.

"Not these morons again," groaned Emma.

"Oh! So you're going to save my friend?" Caterpie asked.

"Yeah!" answered Gengar very joyfully. "And you don't even have to pay us! Just give us five dollars and we'll get busy."

"Hold it!" Emma halted the evil team. "You can't just steal a job from us! He asked us first!"

"But you turned it down," Pikachu mentioned.

"Not helping, Pikachu!"

"Oh, yeah?" Gengar replied. "Watcha gonna do 'bout it?"

"I'll race you. Whoever is the one to rescue Metapod first wins victory."

"You're on! You just wait, Team Awesome. Team Meanies is going to show you who the better team is. Let's go, guys." They start leaving.

"Can we get smoothies first?" asked Ekans.

"Yeah, sure," replied Gengar.

"Bring me a Berry Blast!" Emma ordered them. As soon as they left, she sighed. "Well, this is just great. Now we probably have to battle them. Well, Caterpie. Looks like we're going to have to rescue your friend."

"But…I don't have any money."

"That's okay," insisted Pikachu. You don't have to pay us. We'll work for free!"

"Wait…we will?"

Pikachu glared at Emma. "Oh! Of course we will! Dang it."

* * *

Slenderman Woods F5

Pikachu and Emma were wandering through Slenderman Woods until they came across an apple.

"Hey look!" Pointed out Pikachu. "Another apple! Let's pick it up!"

"Can't," replied Emma. "The box is full."

"Uh, Emma? Something's wrong with the box. It looks like it's about to-"

Suddenly, the box burst open, spilling apples everywhere.

"…burst."

"Man, when are we even going to find these eight pages?"

"Why are we even looking for eight pages?" Pikachu asked.

"Because, Pikachu. It's common knowledge that if you're going to defeat Slenderman, you'll need to find eight pages."

"Yeah, it's a shame that we've only found one page so far."

"How about we just get to the end of this cave and defeat those losers Team Meanies, save Metapod and get this over with?"

"Boy, you really want to rescue Metapod, don't you?"

"Nah," answered Emma. "I just hate Gengar with a passion and wish he was dead."

"Umm…" Pikachu responded. "Gengar is already dead."

"Let's just go defeat them so we can get the heck out of here."

* * *

Slenderman Woods F13

"Finally!" huffed Emma as she and Pikachu reached the bottom of Slenderman Woods. "We're at the end of this stupid forest! Now where's the little worm?"

"Um?" mumbled a faint voice. "I'm over here."

Emma and Pikachu glanced at Metapod who crawled up to them.

"Come on, Metapod," Emma told him. "Let's get out of these woods before Gengar and his stupid friends show up."

"BWAHAHA!" laughed Gengar manically. He, Medicham, and Ekans were sipping on smoothies as they stood at the entrance to the clearing.

"OH COME ON!" yelled Emma. "And you didn't even get me a Berry Blast!"

"You'll never get away with this, Gengar!" declared Pikachu.

Gengar threw his smoothie down. "Oh, yeah? Well, let's see who wins this battle!"

"All right, fine!" Emma shouted. "HI-YA!" she ran towards Gengar and used tackle on him, but ended up going right through him.

"Bwahaha!" Gengar cackled. "It has no effect!"

"Fine!" grunted Emma. "I'll just use my regular attack on you!" she used her regular attack on Gengar.

"Ow!" Gengar yelped. "How does that even have an effect on me? This game makes no sense!"

"Come at me, bro!" Emma taunted. Gengar became irritated.

"U mad?" Emma chirped. Gengar snarled in frustration.

"What are you gonna do? Swear? Because you do realize that you can't say any curse words in a rated E game. Especially if it's Nintendo."

"But it's okay for one of the characters to have a post office full of disembodied Pokémon heads and blood smeared on the walls?"

"HOLY *bleep*, PIKACHU! SHUT THE *bleep* UP!" Emma quickly covered her mouth when she realized that she just cursed in a rated E game.

"Ha, ha!" Gengar croaked. "This game just became rated T and it's all your fault!"

"THAT'S IT!" Screeched Emma. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ALREADY A GHOST!"

Just then, thundering was heard in the distance. "What was that?" Gegar asked.

"That must be Slenderman," assumed Emma.

"Shoot!" Pikachu exclaimed. "We better get out of here before he finds us!"

Just then, a very tall, white-skinned figure with no face appeared in front of them. Pikachu gulped. "It's him."

"Hey," greeted Slenderman. The group screamed and ran for their lives out of the forest.

"Wait!" he called back. "I just wanted to know if you'd like to go to Disney World with me! I bought extra tickets! Aw man. I'll always be alone."

Guitar music began playing in the background along with a female voice singing.

Have you heard of the guy who is ten feet tall?

He scares people away 'cause he's got no face at all

Super long arms with tentacle ends

But the tragedy is he just wants to make friends

Ba-dum-bum-dum

Slenderman

Sympathy for Sle-e-e-e-enderman

He hangs out in the dark 'cause he's got nothing to do

With his very best suit just to impress you

Have sympathy for poor Slenderman

"Wait, what am I even doing in this fanfiction anyway? I should be in a café using victims for the ingredients in my food. Well, I suppose I'm out of here. Stay tune if you want to see bloopers!"

Just kidding. You don't get any bloopers. MWAHAHAHAHA!


	8. We Came In Blunder Like a Wreaking Ball

That night, Emma had another dream. A faint green figure appeared right behind the Skitty.

"What the-who are you?"

"Greetings." The figure said. "We finally meet. I've been trying to contact you throughout this whole game but for reason my telepathic connection wasn't working. The name's Gardevore, by the way. So, how's life been?"

"Pretty neat," Emma responded. "So, you're like the only normal character in this game, right?"

"Right," Gardevore replied.

"Thank Arceus! I've just about had it with this universe! So, do you have the ability to send me back to the human world?"

"Sorry," Gardevore answered. "I can't. Before I can send you back, you must find the reason behind your existence."

"You know what I've always wanted to find the reason behind? Why Taco Bell felt it was necessary to have a breakfast menu."

"That's not important."

"Actually it is. Who in the right mind would want a flatbread possibly filled with fermented vulture meat and Xenomorph offspring? Gross. I've always preferred Taco Bueno anyday."

"Emma! Focus!"

"How do you know my name? Your psychic powers?"

"Actually, I'm a follower on your Twitter account. But in all seriousness, answer me this. Do you know why so many Pokémon need to be rescued?"

"Because so many Pokémon can't do crap by themselves?"

"Actually it's because some jerk screwed up the flow of the Pokémon world and now all these disasters are happening. Isn't that enough to make you lose faith in the universe?"

"Nah," Emma shrugged. "I lost faith in the universe years ago when I found out there were three animated Titanic movies."

"Ugh. You're impossible. I better get going. My yoga class starts at eight." Gardevore started to fade away.

"Wait! Don't leave me! I don't wanna be left alone with that mouse again! Dang it."

The next morning Pikachu walked up to Emma once again.

"Darn it."

"Um, hello? Are you Team Awesome?"

Emma and Pikachu glanced at Jumpluff who floated up to them.

"Hey! You're that Jumpluff from Pokémon Square a couple weeks ago!"

"Uh, correct."

"What do you want?"

"Uh, well…it's about Shiftry. You see…ever since he went off to rescue my friend, he, well…hasn't returned."

"Oh, please," Emma scoffed. "He probably ran into a stoplight."

"He hasn't come back for weeks."

"Maybe the stoplight's broken." Pikachu glared at Emma. "Grr! Fine! We'll help him! Where is he?"

"He's in a place called Violent Spasm. I'll lead you to it if you don't mind."

"I guess it's another adventure we're off to."

"Well, this is terrific. Let's do what they do in those Indiana Jones-type movies when a character has to get from one place to another, just to make this mission any more tolerable."

As adventure music plays, a dotted line on a map stretches from the starting point to where Violent Spasm is said to be. Eventually they found themselves at the entrance to the cave.

"We're here."

"Boy," sighed Pikachu. "What a long way. It's a good thing we did that whole map scene just to make it shorter."

"So, what the heck is Violent Spasm anyway?" Pikachu asked Jumpluff.

"Violent Spasm is said to be one of the deepest crevices in the entire region," Jumpluff lectured. "Rumor has it that it's home to monsters."

"I didn't know Lady Gaga fans enjoyed exploring mysterious chasms."

"Not those monster, you idiot."

"Hey, scardy-cats!" yelled Emma. "Are we going to rescue Shiftry or do I need to hand you each your blankets and warm milk?"

"Umm…" Pikachu hesitated. "Owowowowow! My stomach! It hurts!"

"Oh, for crying out loud! What's wrong this time?"

"I think I need a doctor. My breakfast was probably spoiled."

"Should I call a doctor?" Jumpluff asked.

"Oh, don't be fooled by him," Emma told him. "He's being a baby, that's what. Besides, all we had for breakfast was a Pillsbury Toaster Strudel and a cup of stale Cheerios."

"I'm fine!" Pikachu abruptly said. "It must've been a false alarm. Now let's go rescue Shiftry!" he marched into the cave."

"That sure had nothing to do with anything," Emma told Jumpluff.

* * *

Violent Spasm F15

Eventually the group reached the bowels of Violent Spasm, where they noticed the other Jumpluff standing alone.

"Jumpluff!" shouted her friend as he quickly floated up to her. "I'm so glad you're safe. Where's Shiftry?"

"Well…it's kind of hard to explained. There's this giant bird…"

"Giant bird, you say?" Team ACT entered the room and approached the group.

"For the love of Crispy Creme Doughnuts!" Emma shouted. "Did these guys really have to come in and ruin a perfectly good dramatic moment?"

Alakazam glared at Emma. "I guess you really refuse to accept the fact that we're better than you?"

"Better for what? Because you're Gold rank? My team is flippin' Platinum rank! Of course the dipwads back at Pokémon Square failed to realize that because they're too busy worshipping a guy who has an IQ of like 6,000 but can't even learn a fifth move!"

Screeching was heard in the background.

"He awakens."

"What? Your common sense?"

"No. I meant the monster. The master of all things terrible. The legendary being that must not be named."

"Lord Voldemort?" Pikachu asked.

"No! It's Zapdos! Oh, great. I said his name. Look, you better get out of here."

"What?" Emma began. "Are we not good enough to remain in your presence?"

"I said scram!" Alakazam snapped. "And take those two Jumpluffs with you!"

"Sure. Whateves."

Back at the base, Pikachu and the two Jumpluffs were desperately waiting for Team ACT to return. Of course, Emma wasn't because she hated ACT and wish they were dead. Besides, Emma was too busy watching Doctor Who on Netflix still to desperately wait.

"I hope they're okay," said one of the Jumpluffs.

"Meh," said Emma.

Team ACT approached the group.

"You're safe!" the other Jumpluff triumphed.

"Of course we're safe," bragged Tyranitar. "After all, we're the greatest team in the world."

"Did you save Shiftry from Zapdos?" Pikachu asked.

"Yeah…about that…" Charizard scratched his head. "I have an appointment with my chiropractor this evening."

"Yeah!" said Tyranitar. "And I'm heading to the manicure place to get rid of these hangnails that have been bugging me."

"As for me," started Alakazam. "I have a date with a supermodel tonight."

"Oooooooo!" said Charizard and Tyranitar in awe.

"For crying out loud!" shouted Emma. "Can you at least pretend to care about your job?"

"Sorry, but the town will love us no matter how poorly we'll do, and they'll always not give a darn about your duo."

"I hate you guys so much."

Pikachu immediately hatched an idea. "Maybe we can save Shiftry from Zapdos!"

Team ACT cracked up laughing.

"Yeah right!" chuckled Charizard. "A mouse and a cat against a legendary thunder Pokémon. That'll work out."

"WHAT?!" screamed Emma. "Listen up, Team Morons! I don't care how incredible your loser team thinks they are! I bet I could beat that oversized pigeon blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back."

"So you think? Very well. I shall send you to Mount Blunder, where Zapdos roams. Fifty dollars to us if you can't defeat him."

"Deal!" Emma agreed. "But if I _do_ defeat Zapdos, then you have to upload a video to YouTube of yourself singing the My Little Pony theme song."

"That's it?" scoffed Alakazam.

"While wearing chicken costumes and recreating the Miley Cyrus Wreaking Ball video."

"What?!"

"Are you too scared? Is big bad Alakazam and his team afraid of losing the bet?"

Alakazam growled. "Fine! It's a deal! Get ready to cough up those fifty dollars as you return to your base all scratched and charred."

"Yeah, okay."

So the two members got prepared for their trip to Mt. Blunder. They linked their moves.

"So what moves shall I link today?" asked Gulpin as she sat behind the counter.

"Just link all of them!" yelled Emma.

They stored their money.

"Have a nice day!" Persian waved goodbye to Team Awesome. "Heh, heh, heh! Suckers!"

And they even trained at the Dojo on the southern part of the square.

"Well done!" declared a Hitmolee as Emma reached the end of the dojo. "You have proven your strength! But! You have but one more challenge left, and that is to challenge me-"

As Emma took a sip of her smoothie, she whipped Hitmolee with her tail, knocking him out in one hit.

Soon the team was prepared to venture out to Mt. Blunder. Many tough Pokémon they have battled, but that just proves that they can overcome any obstacle that faces them.

"Hey, Pikachu!" shouted Emma. "What do you want me to do with this Rattata that keeps trying to flee from me?"

"Hit it with a Blast Seed. That'll defeat it."

Very soon they reached the top of the mountain. It was silent. Rather too silent. Suddenly, thunder crashed, startling the duo.

"Who dares enter my presence?!" affirmed a booming voice.

"W-w-we're Team Awesome. And we're here to rescue Shiftry."

The voice cackled maniacally. "If you want your puny friend you're going to have to get through me!"

"Show yourself!" demanded Emma.

With a flash of lighting, a giant yellow bird with streaks of black on it appeared. Pikachu screamed in terror.

"Lame," Emma droned.

"So…" Zapdos began. "You're Team Awesome, huh? And you've come to challenge me, correct?"

"Let's just get on with the battle, okay?"

"Very well! We shall!"

They fight began. Emma swiftly turned to the electric mouse.

"Okay, Pikachu. Here's the plan. We attack Zapdos from behind, then we-"

Before Emma could finish, Zapdos blasted her with a bolt of lightning, defeating her in one hit.

"Nooooooooooo!" cried Pikachu. "Emmaaaaaaa! You monster! You horrible monster!"

Zapdos laughed diabolically, but before he could complete his evil chuckling, Emma immediately sprang back to life.

"Emma!" Pikachu cheered.

"What the-" sputtered Zapdos. "How did you survive?!"

"Reviver seeds, baby!"

Zapdos growled angrily. It was on now. The fight continue until Zapdos was eventually defeated.

"Piece of cake."

"Please don't hurt me any longer!" Zapdos pleaded. "I beg of you!"

"What is going on here?!" shouted Alakazam and he and his team stormed into the summit. He gasped when he saw Zapdos on the ground, weakened. "Keep it up, Zapdos! Don't let those amatures overpower you!"

"Sorry, but I can't go on any longer. I have a wife and three children. Adios, guys." Zapdos flew into the sunset.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alakazam dropped on his knees in desolation. "My entire reputation is ruined! People for now on will know me as the guy who sang the My Little Pony theme song while swinging on a wreaking ball."

"You also have to wear a chicken costume," Emma pointed out.

"Not helping! I will soon have my revenge on you! Someday, Emma! Someday! Lets go, peeps." Team ACT left the summit, leaving Team Awesome all alone.

"Well, that was awkward," Emma proceeded. "And I still haven't found out the reason why Taco Bell felt the need to have a breakfast menu."


	9. Xatu the Hater (why new Gens suck)

That night Emma had another dream with Gardevore in it, which she was relieved since Gardevore was the only normal character in this insane world.

"I'm so glad you're here," Emma stated.

"Well, of course I must always be here. Besides, I mostly came tonight just so I can tell you about Xatu."

"What? Xatu? What about him?"

"Originally Alakazam was gonna tell you about him, but apparently he forgot."

"What?! Forgot?! But he has an IQ of over 6,000!"

"Yeah, the Pokédex entries are not really as accurate as you'd think. I mean, how do you explain Alakazam not being able to learn more than four moves?"

"I knew that con-artist was up to something!"

"Anyways, Xatu is a Pokémon who lives on the top of Hate Canyon. I'm ordering you to go to the top of that canyon and meet with him, and he will tell you about all that stuff of how the universe's balance is destroyed."

"Well, you're the only Pokémon I'm willing to trust, so sure thing."

"Of course, you must be careful. Xatu is said to be a hater. A Pokémon who hate on things for no reason. Why, I met with him one time and he said that he hated My Little Pony and thinks kids should be watching Game of Thrones as they need to be exposed to better quality shows."

"Wow."

"So you in?"

"Yeah, sure."

The next morning, Pikachu and Emma ventured to Hate Canyon. It was tough dealing with all the haters and whatnot, but eventually they were able to surmount their mission without struggling. As soon as they reached the top, they saw Xatu standing on the edge of the cliff, staring into the sunset. They approached him.

"Okay, so we got some creepy psychic bird staring into the sun. That's nice. Now what should we do?" asked Pikachu.

"I've got a good idea," Emma suggested. "Why don't we tickle him?"

"TICKLE HIM?!" Pikachu freaked out. "How dare you even mention such a horrid scheme!"

"So it wasn't such a good idea. Then what plan do you prefer, Einstein?"

"Don't worry. Just leave it to me. I've got a great one."

He turn to Xatu, took a deep breath, and started to annoy him in the most obnoxious way possible, but hey. It's your partner from Red/Blue Rescue Team so what do you expect?

"Hey, Xatu! Xatu! Xatu! Xatu! Xatu! Xatu! Excuse me, Xatu! Xatu! Earth to Xatu! Xatu!"

"WHAT?!" Xatu screamed.

"We need to ask you something."

"You know what I hate? The new generations of Pokémon. A T-rex? Really? And also a psychic firefox as a starter. How does that appeal to anyone? I miss the old days where they had original ideas for Pokémon like magnets and piles of sludge. That stuff was awesome! But now we have a freaking flame hawk as one of the new Pokémon! What happened, GameFreak? You used to be cool!"

"Uh, what did that have to do with anything."

"Nothing. I just love hating on newer generations because older generations had cool ideas for Pokémon like a pile of eggs."

"So, do you have anything to say about the universe being out of balance?" Emma asked. "About what is bound to await us?"

"What do I look like? The smartest guy on Earth? Sorry, but I don't do that forshadowing crap or whatever you're implying I should do. I can tell you that the world is going to end. I know this because every game I played involves the world ending or something. You better be prepared."

"But what does it mean? About the world ending? Tell us!"

"Sorry, guys. I'm just a hateful psychic bird sitting on top of a cliff for no purpose whatsoever. I don't know."

"Well, that's just nice." Emma retorted. "The world is going to end and I still haven't found out Taco Bell's reason for a breakfast menu. Can this day get any worse?"

"Good morning!" greeted Uncle Grandpa as he appeared out of nowhere.

"STOP APPEARING IN THESE FANFICTIONS! YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN EXIST AS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"

**Just to make things clear, I don't hate the older generations (in fact, I love every generation regardless of their flaws). It's okay for people to not like the newer generations, but I hate it when people bash on the Pokémon for having "unoriginal designs", even though they've completely forgotten that the older generations had a pile of eggs, a pile of sludge that evolves into a bigger pile of sludge, a bowling ball with two magnets for ears that evolves into three of them attached to each other, and a Pokéball that evolves into a Pokéball that's upside-down. Guess what, Genwunners? THE FIRST GENERATION HAD THE SAME PROBLEM. GET OVER IT.**

**(I still don't understand why people complain about Honedge. How is a sword Pokémon not awesome?) Now if you'll excuse me, I must create a metaphorical barrier for my future fanfics to prevent Uncle Grandpa from invading them anymore.**


	10. Tedious Tales from Wishcash

"Good morning again, Emma!" Pikachu blissfully greeted.

"I've ran out of anything witty to say right now."

"Say, Emma. Aren't you disturbed about what Xatu said yesterday? About the world ending?"

"No," replied Emma.

"What?! You're not disturbed?! I mean come on! The world will end! After all! Xatu said so!"

"Yeah, well he also said that post-first generations suck because there aren't any good ideas for Pokémon left."

"Another thing, Emma. Where do you supposed the universe's balance is located?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just asking."

"Yeah, well I believe it's located in space. Because that's where I would like to go just so I could escape this world."

"Well, how do we get there?!"

"I don't know. Fly?"

"Flying! That's it! Let's ask Pelipper to take us there!"

"Oh, great."

Later that day, Pikachu and Emma went to the local maximum security prison to talk to Pelipper. Pikachu stared through the window.

"Psst! Pelipper!"

"What are you morons doing here?"

"We wanted to know if you could take us into space."

Pelipper laughed maniacally. "That's ridiculous! I may be a possessed serial killer, but at least I'm not idiots like you two! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE BEFORE I DEVOUR YOUR SOULS!"

Frightened, the two took off. As soon as they were far away from the pelican Pokémon, Pikachu glared angrily at Emma for no reason.

"You liar! You said that flying will take us into space!"

"Yeah, well you were stupid enough to believe what I say."

"So, I guess we have no other choice but to go to Pokémon Square and find something productive to do."

As they arrived at Pokémon Square, they came across three Pokémon who were chatting with each other. Since the two members are apparently nosy, they decided to approach the Pokémon to find out what was going on.

"Boy, Wishcash's story sure was great, weren't it?" said Bellsprout.

"Who knew he was such a great storyteller?" mentioned Snubbell.

"What are you guys talking about?" Emma asked.

"Wishcash is telling everyone some story. You should check it out!" said Lotad.

"Sweet! We will!" responded Pikachu.

"What do you mean 'we'?" Emma asked. "I don't want to listen to some boring stupid story told by some crazy geezer! I rather rip money off of lazy Pokémon who can't retrieve Cheri Berries by themselves because the government wants us to cater to them!"

However, Emma had to listen to the story anyway, because the game forced her too. As soon as they approached Wishcash, he was ready to tell the story.

"Ho, ho, ho!" he laughed. "So you want to hear my grand tale, yes?"

"Yeah, grand," muttered Emma sarcastically.

"Very well! It started a long time ago." Well, since I know you don't want to hear the original story again, I'll just tell you the shorter version. Some idiot human pulled one of Ninetail's tales, thus cursing him. His Gardevore decided to sacrifice herself for him and he abandoned her. Ninetales then says that one day the human will wake up to become a Pokémon, which would likely cause the universe's balance to be destroyed. There. I just saved you three minutes of pointless details. You're welcome.

"Well that story sucked." Emma mumbled. "Who cares. It's still better than the one we're in."

"Ho, ho, ho! So you liked it? Want me to tell you it again?"

"NO!" she shouted.


	11. Genjerk (and also, why I hate Kecleon)

The next morning arrived not long after. Pikachu quickly rushed up to Emma, seeming quite frantic.

"Pikachu, what's wrong with you? You look like you've just seen Jeff the Killer."

"Emma, come quick! There is a commotion in the Pokémon Square. And they're talking about you."

"Oh, great. Let me guess. They found out it was me who put Allure Seeds in the punch bowl during the last week's party."

"No. It's much worse than that. Come quick."

Pikachu led Emma over to Pokémon Square where all the Pokémon were gathered around. Gengar was the spokesperson.

"Aw, great. Not him again."

"And that is the reason why we need to kill Emma," Gengar declared. "Who's with me?"

"Yeah!" cheered the Square.

"Wait?! Kill me?! You must be out of mind, Gengar!"

"Look! There she is!" yelled Lotad.

"Tell me, Emma," began Snubbull. "Is it true?"

"Alright, I can see why you're ganging up on me," Emma answered. "It's true the last two chapters of this story haven't been very good. It's true that the random gags with Uncle Grandpa appearing out of nowhere may have originated from Yoshizilla-Fan. By the way, It was me who put Allure Seeds in the punch bowl. Sorry you woke up pantsless on the roof of the Dojo, Snubbull. Now I better get going. My Candy Crush lives have been fully refilled."

"Hold it!" shouted Bellsprout. "You're not going anywhere until you tell us that you weren't the human from Wishcash's boring story."

"Okay, I'm not the human. Happy?"

"She's lying!" accused Gengar. "Let's get her!"

"Let's get out of this place!" Pikachu told Emma as they hurried out town.

The whole trying-too-hard-to-be-a-tearjerker-scene has been cut out because this is supposed to be a parody. Not the beginning of a Pixar movie. Let's skip to when they run off to the dangerous dungeons instead of simply hiding in the friend areas because that would of made more sense. But no, the game needs more action. That's why kids play Mortal Kombat these days.

Far away they traveled. They ventured through scorching fields.

"Emma! Stop roasting marshmallows and let's get going!" shouted Pikachu.

"Okay. Fine. Jeeze." said Emma as she was making s'mores on the fire.

They came across large cracks. Of course, Emma had to fight the urge to push Pikachu into them (he will come back anyway because video game characters are immortal).

Until they finally reached a blue cave that just screamed "Yeah, there's no boss in here but there be one in each of the two dungeons after it and they will be Hell trying to beat. Oh, and here's an additional dungeon that you'll obviously choose because you think you can actually avoid the real dungeon. YOU'RE WRONG!"

"We finally made it," huffed Pikachu.

"Hey," muttered a voice in the background. "I heard something."

"It must be them!" said another voice. "Let's get them!"

"Crud!" shouted Emma. "They found us!"

"Let's go in!" suggested Pikachu.

They went in. Upon entering a few floors, eventually they came across a red mat and the Kecleon from back at Pokémon Square.

"KECLEON?" Emma asked, confused. "What are you doing here? Weren't you one of the conspirators out to kill us? Shouldn't you be persecuting us by now?"

"SHUT UP AND BUY MY STUFF!" Kecleon shouted.

"Okay," Emma said. She began taking random stuff that she wasn't going to probably use, then stepped off the map. Randomly, Kecleon warped to where Emma was standing.

"That'll be $600 please."

"Oh, crap! I don't have enough money! I gave it all to that greedy Persian who's no doubt going to spend it all on drugs."

"THIEF!" he screamed. "GET 'EM, BOYS!"

A bunch of Kecleon out of nowhere began surrounding the teammates, ready to attack.

"Oh, great," moaned Emma.

**By the way, the whole scene with Kecleon was based on a real life incident I had when playing Red Rescue Team. I was in one of the dungeons that you enter when you become a fugitive (I've forgotten whether it was Lapis Cave or Mount Blaze, but who cares). Anyways, Kecleon appears and that was the first time I've seen his shop in a dungeon so I didn't know not having enough money and leaving the mat would set him off. You can tell what happened afterwards. That is why I hate Kecleon (still not as much as I hate Chatot).**

**Oh, yeah. It's true that I picked up the Uncle Grandpa joke upon reading Lilligant's Lemonade Stand by Yoshizilla-Fan. ****And n****ow I have a nonstop urge to give him random cameos in my fanfictions. Curse you, Story!**


End file.
